I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
