if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
