i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
