my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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