Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
