i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
