i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
