I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
