I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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