I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize