I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
