Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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