Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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