Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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