she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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