Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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