You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize