I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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