im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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