new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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