Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
