He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
