I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
