I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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