thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
