he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
