i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
