My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
