We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
