Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
