You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
