One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
