So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
