Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
