we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
