Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
