They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
