My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
