So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
