so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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