What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
