Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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