first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
