I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
