Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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