you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and she was petting her beer can
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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