He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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