so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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