You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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