Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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