just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
