My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
