So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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