This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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