Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize