I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
