I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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