woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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