last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
