My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
