i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
