if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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