I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
