is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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