She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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