Your face is a jimmy john
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
