My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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