I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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