pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
