The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's never too late to be topless.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
