Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize