NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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