i wish my penis had a tongue
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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