At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
