We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
