just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
