the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
