I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize