you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize