I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
